OYA - One year anniversary.

One year anniversary.

WOW. Literally, wow. It has been a year since I touched this blog, cyberspace wise. It has also been a year since I came out. Have not told the people who reads the blog. Don't ask me why, I ask myself the same question everytime I see them but there just isn't a right time to do it. It isn't an excuse. It's how it is. Strangely enough, they have yet to bring up questions on my previous post.
For those whom I have told, they have been incredibly understanding and surprisingly supportive. I think in troubled times, this is just what we need. Family and friends are not just a social structure for good times and to consolidate wealth and protect assets. I don't need lies and patronising comfort, I need the truth and genuine thoughts, blatant but honest.
I feel much happier now, I am. I don't feel so emotionally unstable anymore. I am hardly moody as well, except when I'm tired, but then again, aren't you snappy and moody when you are tired. I feel so free and liberated but it's not like I am going to shout out to the world.
However, like my cousin (whom has this "promiscuous sex" mindset about gay people) whom I came out to said,"I don't want you to suddenly open a pandora's box." I lied in her face,"No, not opening any box." I lied to protect her from being over anxious and worrying too much about her younger cousin. It's contradicting but we need some lies to support and protect one another. The truth is, the box has already been opened when I had the coming out conversation with her. I was having the time of my life. I was catching up on my lost time. But it's not like I've fucked the entire clan of people.

And so, I started on the journey of self discovery, enjoying the detours of sex and friendships, I found out facades of me that I never knew, hidden characteristics which would never have surfaced if I hadn't come out. On that ongoing journey, I spoke to several people who were in the same situation and have understood even more. It is not just in Asia that is difficult for people to come out. Even in Europe, they face extreme environments and opposing views, even from their own parents. It isn't impossible, it's just difficult.

A gay colleague once told me,"You are young, good looking, have spending power and our traveling job doesn't make this easier. Don't live life on the fast track, slow down." I'm glad I spoke to him, because it was then, that I took things down a notch or two.

As I begin the search for who I am, I hope that I do not lose who I was.